Hello
I'm at my wits end. I have no one to talk to about this as my husband hung up the phone and won't talk to me now.
I've been reading here for awhile and thought maybe I could get some advice here.
So here's the currant situation. I'm at work again after taking most of the year off. I came back because we were falling behind and really needed the extra income. My job is being a medic out in the oil field so I'm away from home for 2 weeks at a time.
It's only been a week and my husband has done something terrible.
The first night I was gone he turned his phone off and went partying with his old friends. People he cut all contact with before because all they did was use him and get him in trouble. I finally heard from him the next day and he said he was really sorry. I forgave him after because he seemed very upset with himself for betraying me. I had been up all night crying and calling the hospital because I was afraid something happened to him.
So we got past that and things went back to normal. We were calling each other several times a day, laughing with each other and always saying I love you. We've always been very open with showing how much we love each other.
Then he did it again last night. Same friends I think. Only this time there was no apology. I didn't sleep all night because again I was worried. I called his sister to see if she has seen him(he was supposed to go to our nephews birthday party, I called the hospital twice to make sure he wasn't there because it's been snowing since yesterday and the roads are horrible. Anyway I finally got a hold of him at 11. We talked for three hours and there was no apology. He told me that he doesn't like that everything is my way and that I tell him what he can and can't do. Then he said he wants me to sleep with men out here so at least he'll know what I'm doing rather than just wondering(?!?) and finally he told me that even though he loves me and could never share the love he has for me with anyone else, he wants to sleep with other women. He added that when we make love he pictures someone else in his mind. I started crying uncontrollably at this point and he hung up the phone. I've tried to call him back but he won't answer. This just ripped me apart.
I see how a man might feel this way if he was being neglected or mistreated but I'm absolutely clueless as to why he feels that way.
I have been a very good wife to him. While I was off work I still had money coming in so I wasn't being a burden. I kept the house clean, did the laundry and cooked for him. He worked very hard and basically if there was anything I could do to make his life easier I did it. I don't control him at all. I find that I'm completely beta in our relationship. He has trust issues because of his past so I am willingly 100% transparent with him. I'd rather it be that way because he is my husband and I consider him my other half and equal. And we have sex regularly when I'm home. Not as much as before but I've been working on ways to spice it up and keep it interesting. He still says I'm hot to him and I haven't put on weight. I never had a clue that he would want another woman because he was so devoted to me and made me feel so loved.
There is one thing I've asked of him and really put my foot down. I asked him to cut contact with his toxic friends. Three guys who always got him in trouble. He was getting out of a substance addiction at the time and they tried to keep him doing it. They encouraged him to drink and lied to me if I called them asking if they had seen my husband. They also convinced him to blow off work so they could party. Basically I seen it as him hurting himself, his career and me for these people who didn't even care about him.
He figured it out and agreed that cutting contact with them was in his and our best interest. Since then I've encouraged him to reconnect with his other friends. Most of them are married and really nice people. He became more involved with his family (parents siblings aunts uncles and grandparents). They didn't have much of a connection when he was an addict.
I love this man very much and can't imagine life without him now. Has anyone been in this kind of situation and pulled through it? I am so hurt right now and have no one to confide in since my husband won't answer his phone.
What can I do?
What can I say to him?
I know we need to see a marriage councillor but that can't be done right now. I'm still stuck out in the oil patch for another week.
Any advice on how we might be able to fix this would be really appreciated.
Posted via Mobile Device
I'm at my wits end. I have no one to talk to about this as my husband hung up the phone and won't talk to me now.
I've been reading here for awhile and thought maybe I could get some advice here.
So here's the currant situation. I'm at work again after taking most of the year off. I came back because we were falling behind and really needed the extra income. My job is being a medic out in the oil field so I'm away from home for 2 weeks at a time.
It's only been a week and my husband has done something terrible.
The first night I was gone he turned his phone off and went partying with his old friends. People he cut all contact with before because all they did was use him and get him in trouble. I finally heard from him the next day and he said he was really sorry. I forgave him after because he seemed very upset with himself for betraying me. I had been up all night crying and calling the hospital because I was afraid something happened to him.
So we got past that and things went back to normal. We were calling each other several times a day, laughing with each other and always saying I love you. We've always been very open with showing how much we love each other.
Then he did it again last night. Same friends I think. Only this time there was no apology. I didn't sleep all night because again I was worried. I called his sister to see if she has seen him(he was supposed to go to our nephews birthday party, I called the hospital twice to make sure he wasn't there because it's been snowing since yesterday and the roads are horrible. Anyway I finally got a hold of him at 11. We talked for three hours and there was no apology. He told me that he doesn't like that everything is my way and that I tell him what he can and can't do. Then he said he wants me to sleep with men out here so at least he'll know what I'm doing rather than just wondering(?!?) and finally he told me that even though he loves me and could never share the love he has for me with anyone else, he wants to sleep with other women. He added that when we make love he pictures someone else in his mind. I started crying uncontrollably at this point and he hung up the phone. I've tried to call him back but he won't answer. This just ripped me apart.
I see how a man might feel this way if he was being neglected or mistreated but I'm absolutely clueless as to why he feels that way.
I have been a very good wife to him. While I was off work I still had money coming in so I wasn't being a burden. I kept the house clean, did the laundry and cooked for him. He worked very hard and basically if there was anything I could do to make his life easier I did it. I don't control him at all. I find that I'm completely beta in our relationship. He has trust issues because of his past so I am willingly 100% transparent with him. I'd rather it be that way because he is my husband and I consider him my other half and equal. And we have sex regularly when I'm home. Not as much as before but I've been working on ways to spice it up and keep it interesting. He still says I'm hot to him and I haven't put on weight. I never had a clue that he would want another woman because he was so devoted to me and made me feel so loved.
There is one thing I've asked of him and really put my foot down. I asked him to cut contact with his toxic friends. Three guys who always got him in trouble. He was getting out of a substance addiction at the time and they tried to keep him doing it. They encouraged him to drink and lied to me if I called them asking if they had seen my husband. They also convinced him to blow off work so they could party. Basically I seen it as him hurting himself, his career and me for these people who didn't even care about him.
He figured it out and agreed that cutting contact with them was in his and our best interest. Since then I've encouraged him to reconnect with his other friends. Most of them are married and really nice people. He became more involved with his family (parents siblings aunts uncles and grandparents). They didn't have much of a connection when he was an addict.
I love this man very much and can't imagine life without him now. Has anyone been in this kind of situation and pulled through it? I am so hurt right now and have no one to confide in since my husband won't answer his phone.
What can I do?
What can I say to him?
I know we need to see a marriage councillor but that can't be done right now. I'm still stuck out in the oil patch for another week.
Any advice on how we might be able to fix this would be really appreciated.
Posted via Mobile Device
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