I believe this to be a very important topic - especially for current or future parents.
I am going to kick this off with a couple of harsh observations.
Men - as a group we need to stop playing bs political games with statistics. I read FAR too many posts by men on this forum who say that: Some studies show that men are victimized at comparable or greater rates than females with regard to domestic violence. Guys, we need to stop lying to ourselves, our sons and each other about this topic. I did the math from the WSJ DB on a full DECADE of homicide data in the US.
- Males commit 77 percent of intimate partner (wife, ex wife, girl friend, ex gf) homicides.
- Females commit the remaining 23 percent.
While the data is less objective, as the intensity level of the violence drops, it is fair to say that men also commit the vast majority of domestic violence which results in serious physical injury.
I do NOT give a shlt that the numbers are close to 50-50 when ALL cases of DV are assessed. Because the definitions of DV are so watered down they include saying things that cause your partner mental harm. And any man who wants to compare a wife 'pushing her husband', to a husband killing or maiming his wife needs to mail me his man card promptly so I can burn it.
As a group, I am ashamed of this bull shlt.
Women:
As a group you need to stop using false claims of 'abuse' in divorce cases as a means to gain leverage in custody and financial settlement matters. Stop lying in court. Because that behavior is now so prevalent that the women who really are at risk, are having difficulty getting the support they need from the family court system. And stop throwing the word 'abuse' around so fvcking casually. When you say your partner 'abused you', the default assumption is that it was physical. If it wasn't then fvcking say so. Say he 'emotionally abused' me. Or, if it's true, say 'he never hit me, but he threatened to do XYZ when I told him it was over'.
To all of us. I encourage you to read your state statutes.
One last comment, and this is on a personal note. Last week, for the first and only time in almost 25 years my W punched me in the face and kicked me during a very tense argument.
In response I grabbed her wrists and said 'you need to stop', and then after a few seconds I let go. She proceeded to tell me that I was being 'emotionally abusive and needed to leave the house immediately'. I shook my head in disbelief and said 'it's our house, not your house and if you don't wish to be in my company you are welcome to get an apartment'.
A couple observations:
1. I was shocked and felt that her behavior was beyond disrespectful.
2. I was WAY more upset about her blame shifting and attempt to 'throw me out of HER house' than I was about the physical foolishness.
3. Given the large difference between us in height, reach, bone density and muscle mass at no point during or after did I feel fear, or it's first cousin - rage.
4. Had the situation been reversed, IMO she would have been wholly justified in feeling afraid, violated and calling the police and having me thrown in jail.
And no - I didn't report it. While 'technically illegal' this was sadly just one more case of crazy town. Not nearly as painful as the emotionally cruel stuff she has said/done over the last few years.
So there you have it. We are physically different enough that female to male is typically not the same as male to female - when it comes to physical violence.
I am going to kick this off with a couple of harsh observations.
Men - as a group we need to stop playing bs political games with statistics. I read FAR too many posts by men on this forum who say that: Some studies show that men are victimized at comparable or greater rates than females with regard to domestic violence. Guys, we need to stop lying to ourselves, our sons and each other about this topic. I did the math from the WSJ DB on a full DECADE of homicide data in the US.
- Males commit 77 percent of intimate partner (wife, ex wife, girl friend, ex gf) homicides.
- Females commit the remaining 23 percent.
While the data is less objective, as the intensity level of the violence drops, it is fair to say that men also commit the vast majority of domestic violence which results in serious physical injury.
I do NOT give a shlt that the numbers are close to 50-50 when ALL cases of DV are assessed. Because the definitions of DV are so watered down they include saying things that cause your partner mental harm. And any man who wants to compare a wife 'pushing her husband', to a husband killing or maiming his wife needs to mail me his man card promptly so I can burn it.
As a group, I am ashamed of this bull shlt.
Women:
As a group you need to stop using false claims of 'abuse' in divorce cases as a means to gain leverage in custody and financial settlement matters. Stop lying in court. Because that behavior is now so prevalent that the women who really are at risk, are having difficulty getting the support they need from the family court system. And stop throwing the word 'abuse' around so fvcking casually. When you say your partner 'abused you', the default assumption is that it was physical. If it wasn't then fvcking say so. Say he 'emotionally abused' me. Or, if it's true, say 'he never hit me, but he threatened to do XYZ when I told him it was over'.
To all of us. I encourage you to read your state statutes.
One last comment, and this is on a personal note. Last week, for the first and only time in almost 25 years my W punched me in the face and kicked me during a very tense argument.
In response I grabbed her wrists and said 'you need to stop', and then after a few seconds I let go. She proceeded to tell me that I was being 'emotionally abusive and needed to leave the house immediately'. I shook my head in disbelief and said 'it's our house, not your house and if you don't wish to be in my company you are welcome to get an apartment'.
A couple observations:
1. I was shocked and felt that her behavior was beyond disrespectful.
2. I was WAY more upset about her blame shifting and attempt to 'throw me out of HER house' than I was about the physical foolishness.
3. Given the large difference between us in height, reach, bone density and muscle mass at no point during or after did I feel fear, or it's first cousin - rage.
4. Had the situation been reversed, IMO she would have been wholly justified in feeling afraid, violated and calling the police and having me thrown in jail.
And no - I didn't report it. While 'technically illegal' this was sadly just one more case of crazy town. Not nearly as painful as the emotionally cruel stuff she has said/done over the last few years.
So there you have it. We are physically different enough that female to male is typically not the same as male to female - when it comes to physical violence.
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