Pros and Cons list... Can I overcome the cons?

So I am fully aware that no marriage is perfect and that every relationship has its flaws. My question is, are there some flaws that just can't be resolved? When does compromise in a marriage become too much? How can you take care of your own needs without being selfish. I've been with my husband for over 4 years and married a little over one and we have come across some very tough times as of late. First I will say that I am 25 years old and my husband is 31 so I realize the age difference could play a part in some of what I am saying. I have been in and out of a depressive state for some time and could not really find a culprit for my anguish. Recently it hit me that I felt an emptiness inside myself and deep yearning for something more in my relationship... like something was extremely wrong/ missing. I had buried these feelings for years because overall on the surface everything seemed to be going great..daily life was easy and without too much of a hitch until I realized I was completely bored and living in a passionless marriage. I've been seeing a therapist as of late (my husband came to one appointment then refused to go to the next one) but its not helping that much. Tonight I decided to make a pros and cons list to see if my feelings were just normal marital struggles or if these issues pose a real risk to my marriage. We don't have any children or big financial ties yet so I am wanting to try to fix this before deciding to do some of those things. Hopefully someone can give me some advice!!

Pros:

• Kind / caring
• Affectionate, snuggly
• Funny
• Helps a lot around the house
• Offers his assistance with things
• Asks if he can do anything to make my day better
• Thinks of practical things that I tend to put off (changing oil/tires, signing paperwork, picking up things at the store etc)
• He enjoys going out to eat and/or cooking good meals together (as do I)
• Likes good music which is a passion of mine
• He's on time
• Good with communication. Always checks in just to say hi or tell me what he is up to.
• Doesn't get upset about money
• Attractive/ handsome (love his big green eyes)
• Charming
• I'm proud to introduce him to others
• He gets along with everyone (My family loves him)
• He's not confrontational
• He puts up with my moodiness
• He's forgiving and doesn't hold grudges
• He doesn't have to go out to have fun
• He makes an effort
• He doesn't name call and respects me
• He is willing to do things with me that he doesn't necessarily like to do (but not always without complaining a lot haha)
• He trusts and loves me

Cons

• Boring/ rare existing sex life
• Awkward sexual encounters/ feels forced and disconnected / not adventurous, kinky, or into changing it up/ little eye contact or talking in bed
• Very insecure with himself regardless of what I say
• Dependent
• Shows little interest in things that make me feel most fulfilled (nature, ocean, quality family/friend time)
• Lack of sympathy
• Lack of emotional intimacy
• Always off in his head / anxiety over practical stuff/ not paying attention when I'm talking
• Not a dreamer (talking with me about future plans, goals, travel, etc) and when he does, it sounds like things that don't really interest me
• Always has some sort of addiction whether it be alcohol, pot, dip…
• Doesn't have a lot of passion for things
• Not motivated/proactive when it come to achieving goals he claims to want in life
• We both want to live near our families but they live on opposite sides of the country thus we can never agree on where to "settle down" without an argument
• Conversation feels on the surface a lot of the time
• Always spending time off together watching TV
• Controlling, emotionally awkward family
• Often telling white lies (pot, alcohol, texts, etc)
• Empty promises
• Empty "I'm sorry" s
• Says he hates his job everyday but doesn't do anything to change his situation

Thanks for taking the time to read my situation and help!

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