I let my negative thoughts control how I feel. They overwhelmed my life to appoint where I just couldn't work. They drained the life out of me and for a brief moment made life so unbearable that I contemplated ending it just to make the pain go away. I have dealt with pain before, pain of having to chose between your mother or father, pain of being sent away, pain of losing a loved one, the pain of being molested, growing up and finding out that my daughter was molested too. Pain has been my teacher for as long as I can remember. But this pain was different, the mental and emotional roller coaster I was on was so draining so overwhelming that the only way to get off the ride was to end my sorry excuse for a life. At least that's what I use to think. The negative thought that consumes me is my wife cheating on me. She has never given me any reason to doubt her. She loves very much, but my mind wanders in to this fantasy world were I doubt her, then doubt turns to fear, fear turns to paranoia. We have had numerous conversations about this and she has always reassured me that she will never cheat on me or leave me. That the vows we took mean something and what we have is for life.
Put the internet to work for you.
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