This is a long story with much of the detail cut out. I want to present my whole condensed story and see what response anyone out there offers.
I am a 42 year old mother of three. Married to my H.S. sweetheart who has been unfaithful to me three, yes three, times over our 21 years of marriage. I'm tired and sad all the time now. The original affair was just before and during the first year of our marriage. We "conquered" that and moved on to have our three children. About 10 years ago I discovered that he was mad at me and put out a craigslist ad looking for other women. I saw emails of response. They kept disappearing and I finally confronted him only to find out he did it out of boredom and interest and supposedly never acted on any of them. We weren't really getting along at the time, but I had no idea it was that bad. We passed through that and an outside person accused him of having an affair with an office worker of his. Denied. Then in March of 2011 a husband of his hairdresser called and informed me he was having an affair. That all came out and got ugly. I told him I wanted a divorce and he was extremely reticent and did all the right things. He confessed to our children and had them weigh in. My oldest said basically "I understand you are hurt, but please take enough time to think this through before you decide on divorce". It was a very grown up, thoughtful thing to say. I took his advice and we started going to counseling. We have spent the last year and half making huge strides in our relationship. He has definitely always loved me, obviously it's a screwed up love, because most people won't do these things to someone they love but I knew he would never leave me, it would have to be me and I decided to forgive and put in the effort to make the marriage work, again.
Fast forward to just over a week ago. Someone else contacted me to confirm that work affair of his from years ago. Their marriage just broke up after 4 years and they wanted to blame my husband. It was disheartening. And before I got the full story, it was a just a general contact but I knew who he was and I immediately guessed what it was about. I gave him 3x to tell me the truth and he chose not to. So I got the full story. It was several years ago but yet another affair. Wow. talk about mind blown. I was devastated. When he did finally admit to it, he told me that he confessed this to our marriage counselor who directed him to not tell me about this affair! He said if it was over, it was not the focus of our current problem (the third affair) and that he would just be burdening me with the info that could potentially end our marriage. So my husband agreed not to tell. Until this happened.
I admit things have been different, better on his part, the past year and a half, but this just brought me to a full blown stop. I am a forgivng person. I have forgiven him but this marriage is just too hard, takes too much out of me, I don't think I have it in me. And I'd be crazy to stay with, right? Everyone would tell me that. Even my pastor, I believe. How many more times can I forgive him for this? What if there is another one out there? He swears there is not, but I have heard that before.
I'm so done. Yet he tells me he has enough love and effort to make it work for the both of us.
Someone tell me I'm crazy if I stay.
I do have a fear of being alone and we have a wonderful life and family that I'd hate to see destroyed. So sad.
I am a 42 year old mother of three. Married to my H.S. sweetheart who has been unfaithful to me three, yes three, times over our 21 years of marriage. I'm tired and sad all the time now. The original affair was just before and during the first year of our marriage. We "conquered" that and moved on to have our three children. About 10 years ago I discovered that he was mad at me and put out a craigslist ad looking for other women. I saw emails of response. They kept disappearing and I finally confronted him only to find out he did it out of boredom and interest and supposedly never acted on any of them. We weren't really getting along at the time, but I had no idea it was that bad. We passed through that and an outside person accused him of having an affair with an office worker of his. Denied. Then in March of 2011 a husband of his hairdresser called and informed me he was having an affair. That all came out and got ugly. I told him I wanted a divorce and he was extremely reticent and did all the right things. He confessed to our children and had them weigh in. My oldest said basically "I understand you are hurt, but please take enough time to think this through before you decide on divorce". It was a very grown up, thoughtful thing to say. I took his advice and we started going to counseling. We have spent the last year and half making huge strides in our relationship. He has definitely always loved me, obviously it's a screwed up love, because most people won't do these things to someone they love but I knew he would never leave me, it would have to be me and I decided to forgive and put in the effort to make the marriage work, again.
Fast forward to just over a week ago. Someone else contacted me to confirm that work affair of his from years ago. Their marriage just broke up after 4 years and they wanted to blame my husband. It was disheartening. And before I got the full story, it was a just a general contact but I knew who he was and I immediately guessed what it was about. I gave him 3x to tell me the truth and he chose not to. So I got the full story. It was several years ago but yet another affair. Wow. talk about mind blown. I was devastated. When he did finally admit to it, he told me that he confessed this to our marriage counselor who directed him to not tell me about this affair! He said if it was over, it was not the focus of our current problem (the third affair) and that he would just be burdening me with the info that could potentially end our marriage. So my husband agreed not to tell. Until this happened.
I admit things have been different, better on his part, the past year and a half, but this just brought me to a full blown stop. I am a forgivng person. I have forgiven him but this marriage is just too hard, takes too much out of me, I don't think I have it in me. And I'd be crazy to stay with, right? Everyone would tell me that. Even my pastor, I believe. How many more times can I forgive him for this? What if there is another one out there? He swears there is not, but I have heard that before.
I'm so done. Yet he tells me he has enough love and effort to make it work for the both of us.
Someone tell me I'm crazy if I stay.
I do have a fear of being alone and we have a wonderful life and family that I'd hate to see destroyed. So sad.
Put the internet to work for you.
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