My daughter has been coping with her gender and sexuality since 8th grade. She is now a HS senior and 17 yrs old.
She came out in 8th grade (no surprise) but in the last year she has expressed feelings of never feeling like a girl. About 6 months ago she wanted to investigate FTM (female to male) reassignment. She took on a male name, was attending a LBGTQ group where she was only known as her male persona.
Now, I supported her in this but it was very difficult for me to address her with male pronouns and her male name. I tried to be very conscious when I addressed her or spoke about her to others close to family but I failed miserably...
Suddenly she dropped the support group (issues with someone in the group - bad dating experience) and reverted back to her female name/persona. Bought pretty dresses, jewelery, etc. I told her I support her no matter what.
Last week she returned to the support group and said she realized that she truly feels she is the wrong gender. She felt like "himself" at the meeting around people that only knew her male persona.
We had a long conversation this past weekend about it and she said she backed off of the issue because she felt she was making everyone uncomfortable. I know my failings had a lot to do with it too. But when she realized how comfortable she was around her peers at the group, she needed to be honest with what she wanted no matter how uncomfortable others were with it.
I promised to try my best at the male name and pronoun issue. Well, I realized last night that I am now just not using any name when I address her. Instead of calling her name as usual to get her attention, I will go to her room and speak to her face to face without addressing her.
As you can see, I am still using the female pronouns throughout this post!!
Anyone out there that has a transgender child and have had these issues with yourself? How do you suddenly change these things after giving birth to this child and addressing them as one gender for 17 years?
I fully support her on her journey - I want my children to be happy, kind, productive people no matter what...
Any advice? Thanks :)
She came out in 8th grade (no surprise) but in the last year she has expressed feelings of never feeling like a girl. About 6 months ago she wanted to investigate FTM (female to male) reassignment. She took on a male name, was attending a LBGTQ group where she was only known as her male persona.
Now, I supported her in this but it was very difficult for me to address her with male pronouns and her male name. I tried to be very conscious when I addressed her or spoke about her to others close to family but I failed miserably...
Suddenly she dropped the support group (issues with someone in the group - bad dating experience) and reverted back to her female name/persona. Bought pretty dresses, jewelery, etc. I told her I support her no matter what.
Last week she returned to the support group and said she realized that she truly feels she is the wrong gender. She felt like "himself" at the meeting around people that only knew her male persona.
We had a long conversation this past weekend about it and she said she backed off of the issue because she felt she was making everyone uncomfortable. I know my failings had a lot to do with it too. But when she realized how comfortable she was around her peers at the group, she needed to be honest with what she wanted no matter how uncomfortable others were with it.
I promised to try my best at the male name and pronoun issue. Well, I realized last night that I am now just not using any name when I address her. Instead of calling her name as usual to get her attention, I will go to her room and speak to her face to face without addressing her.
As you can see, I am still using the female pronouns throughout this post!!
Anyone out there that has a transgender child and have had these issues with yourself? How do you suddenly change these things after giving birth to this child and addressing them as one gender for 17 years?
I fully support her on her journey - I want my children to be happy, kind, productive people no matter what...
Any advice? Thanks :)
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment