I don't know if here is the best place to post this but I'm just putting it out there.... it deals with both family relationships and university... if anyone can read it all and reply I'd be very grateful!
I grew up as a child in a situation of abuse. I had an abusive parent who would yell, scream at me, tell me I was ugly (I certainly wasn't), unlovable but worst of all I was on tenterhooks my entire life, just knowing if I did something even remotely wrong e.g. not wrapping the cheese correctly according to his standards, I would be screamed at/hit. I remember on his screaming rampages I'd try and leave but he'd block the entrance to doors. We had a shed in the back garden that I'd hide in but he'd continue yelling and screaming and me in their and banging on it. Once I got my head dunked under bath water because I had apparently let it run a bit too hot.
This wasn't occasionally, it was every day.
It took away my trust in the world and especially in people. I was very introverted throughout school. And very unpractically-minded, as when I attempted any practical tasks, especially where people would watch, I became too nervous and self-doubting to continue.
One area I could not be touched on however, was academics. Although I got no encouragement from my parents, I'd often spend vast amounts of time in my room (to be away from them) - in fact, most of my life. I taught myself a lot of things and I ended up getting 8 A*s and 3 As at GCSE and AAB at A-level, despite still at this time dealing with the abusive situation.
I should have left home at 16. But I still didn't realize it was abuse then. I knew my dad yelled and screamed at me every day and frequently hit me, but I asked some of my friends and they said their dad had hit them. I thought it was normal.
He told us we were going to move abroad, so I planned to move. A year later, it didn't happen. But I'd applied to a great university in that country, it seemed perfect for me, so I listened to him when he said we'd move the year after. We still didn't. 2 years later I realised we weren't going to move and he had been BS-ing.
So I applied to go to this university anyway, as I could get a loan as it's in the EU. My dad told me I couldn't go. I told him I'd worked all my life for uni and was not going to not go.
But I'd had some savings from various jobs - it was hard for me to maintain one but I had enough money to get me started.
On the day the taxi came to pick me up, he literally wouldn't let me out of the house. I had to call the police to get me out of the house. When I did go and did well there, he eventually relented on the issue, and even sent me money towards food. This was fortunate as the university wasn't like unis over here, it was hardcore, and nobody could attend it and get a part-time job work-wise - the academic side was 60 hours a week.
After 2 years there, he told me I'd have to leave. My mum had become terminally ill. I didn't know if I believed him at first. But he said he'd had to quit his job to become her carer and I wouldn't be able to stay. By this time, I knew I wouldn't survive without his food contribution. I had loans for accomodation and tuition fees - but my own savings wouldn't stretch another year. I had an A average, but had to quit.
When I came back, my mum was terminally ill and had declined very badly. His abuse had gotten worse. Now I couldn't even leave the house to get food. I went out once without warning him, he had been out when I left, and I'd only gone to get food and he called me 9 times and left me abusive screaming messages for leaving. I'd only been gone for 30 minutes. I knew at that point, for my own sanity and well-being, that I had to get out.
I'd had to leave my job because he'd gone in there yelling and screaming and upsetting customers. He'd hidden my money. Looked through my phone bill and seen which friends I was calling and calling them to see what I'd been saying. I'd left a small lamp on in the lounge one night and he went ballistic at 3AM, yelling and screaming at what a useless creature I was, and started hitting me as I lay in bed.
I knew enough was enough. I called a women's refuge and got out.
Throughout this time and throughout my time there, I remembered my professors who told me I was excellent, I had an excellent mind, was totally at ease with conference speaking and one of whom had even let me contribute to an academic paper of his in the second year. I knew throughout this time that I'd go back to uni. It was this ambition that kept me going.
I got given my own flat after 10 months in refuge. I've had a job in a pub which I've been able to hold down for 2 years because my dad had not gone in and ruined my reputation like the last one.
But last January I applied to back to university (I'm 24 now). My ambition is the most important thing to me in life and I wasn't going to let that go. I got into Nottingham, Manchester, Leeds and Kent.
I live in the North-West so Kent was a little bit off-kilter. I'd visited it though and liked the campus the most out of all of them. After my difficult time, it seemed like the kind of friendly and relaxing place I could regain my emotional well-being. It was also touted as the UK's "European University" and having lived in Europe, I thought it would be an ideal match, so I firmed Kent and put Nottingham as insurance.
The problem is, however, lately I've been looking at league tables (something I should have done at the start - I know that now - but I literally had no careers/university advice from ANYONE - I've been surrounded for the last 2 years by very working-class people, none of whom have been to uni) and I've realised that Kent is actually really low down for the course I want to take there.
Nottingham is #10 for the subject and it's Russel Group (I didn't even know what that meant until I started researching it a couple of months ago).
Now I have to take up my place at Kent.
But I'm worried that all the striving I've done to A. get myself out of the situation and B. fulfill my goals and ambitions is wasted, as I should have picked a higher ranking university.
I'd probably enjoy Kent the most, and it would be a better place to pick my life up, but uni is 2.5% of your life. The later consequences remain with you forever, and I feel it would be a massive two fingers up to my dad if I were to become successful, and I know I have the work ethic for it.
My other problem is that a lot of graduates these days have to return home due to inability to make a sufficient income in this economic climate. I can't do that and I'm unsure if I'd ever get social housing again (the flat I have now is large and absolutely beautiful, very close to a town-centre and I may be crazy to give that up). So going to the least competitive uni out of all of them (Kent) is a MAJOR worry on that level.
The major I'm doing is International Relations and French, which I guess isn't the most competitive degree either.
What do you guys think?
I grew up as a child in a situation of abuse. I had an abusive parent who would yell, scream at me, tell me I was ugly (I certainly wasn't), unlovable but worst of all I was on tenterhooks my entire life, just knowing if I did something even remotely wrong e.g. not wrapping the cheese correctly according to his standards, I would be screamed at/hit. I remember on his screaming rampages I'd try and leave but he'd block the entrance to doors. We had a shed in the back garden that I'd hide in but he'd continue yelling and screaming and me in their and banging on it. Once I got my head dunked under bath water because I had apparently let it run a bit too hot.
This wasn't occasionally, it was every day.
It took away my trust in the world and especially in people. I was very introverted throughout school. And very unpractically-minded, as when I attempted any practical tasks, especially where people would watch, I became too nervous and self-doubting to continue.
One area I could not be touched on however, was academics. Although I got no encouragement from my parents, I'd often spend vast amounts of time in my room (to be away from them) - in fact, most of my life. I taught myself a lot of things and I ended up getting 8 A*s and 3 As at GCSE and AAB at A-level, despite still at this time dealing with the abusive situation.
I should have left home at 16. But I still didn't realize it was abuse then. I knew my dad yelled and screamed at me every day and frequently hit me, but I asked some of my friends and they said their dad had hit them. I thought it was normal.
He told us we were going to move abroad, so I planned to move. A year later, it didn't happen. But I'd applied to a great university in that country, it seemed perfect for me, so I listened to him when he said we'd move the year after. We still didn't. 2 years later I realised we weren't going to move and he had been BS-ing.
So I applied to go to this university anyway, as I could get a loan as it's in the EU. My dad told me I couldn't go. I told him I'd worked all my life for uni and was not going to not go.
But I'd had some savings from various jobs - it was hard for me to maintain one but I had enough money to get me started.
On the day the taxi came to pick me up, he literally wouldn't let me out of the house. I had to call the police to get me out of the house. When I did go and did well there, he eventually relented on the issue, and even sent me money towards food. This was fortunate as the university wasn't like unis over here, it was hardcore, and nobody could attend it and get a part-time job work-wise - the academic side was 60 hours a week.
After 2 years there, he told me I'd have to leave. My mum had become terminally ill. I didn't know if I believed him at first. But he said he'd had to quit his job to become her carer and I wouldn't be able to stay. By this time, I knew I wouldn't survive without his food contribution. I had loans for accomodation and tuition fees - but my own savings wouldn't stretch another year. I had an A average, but had to quit.
When I came back, my mum was terminally ill and had declined very badly. His abuse had gotten worse. Now I couldn't even leave the house to get food. I went out once without warning him, he had been out when I left, and I'd only gone to get food and he called me 9 times and left me abusive screaming messages for leaving. I'd only been gone for 30 minutes. I knew at that point, for my own sanity and well-being, that I had to get out.
I'd had to leave my job because he'd gone in there yelling and screaming and upsetting customers. He'd hidden my money. Looked through my phone bill and seen which friends I was calling and calling them to see what I'd been saying. I'd left a small lamp on in the lounge one night and he went ballistic at 3AM, yelling and screaming at what a useless creature I was, and started hitting me as I lay in bed.
I knew enough was enough. I called a women's refuge and got out.
Throughout this time and throughout my time there, I remembered my professors who told me I was excellent, I had an excellent mind, was totally at ease with conference speaking and one of whom had even let me contribute to an academic paper of his in the second year. I knew throughout this time that I'd go back to uni. It was this ambition that kept me going.
I got given my own flat after 10 months in refuge. I've had a job in a pub which I've been able to hold down for 2 years because my dad had not gone in and ruined my reputation like the last one.
But last January I applied to back to university (I'm 24 now). My ambition is the most important thing to me in life and I wasn't going to let that go. I got into Nottingham, Manchester, Leeds and Kent.
I live in the North-West so Kent was a little bit off-kilter. I'd visited it though and liked the campus the most out of all of them. After my difficult time, it seemed like the kind of friendly and relaxing place I could regain my emotional well-being. It was also touted as the UK's "European University" and having lived in Europe, I thought it would be an ideal match, so I firmed Kent and put Nottingham as insurance.
The problem is, however, lately I've been looking at league tables (something I should have done at the start - I know that now - but I literally had no careers/university advice from ANYONE - I've been surrounded for the last 2 years by very working-class people, none of whom have been to uni) and I've realised that Kent is actually really low down for the course I want to take there.
Nottingham is #10 for the subject and it's Russel Group (I didn't even know what that meant until I started researching it a couple of months ago).
Now I have to take up my place at Kent.
But I'm worried that all the striving I've done to A. get myself out of the situation and B. fulfill my goals and ambitions is wasted, as I should have picked a higher ranking university.
I'd probably enjoy Kent the most, and it would be a better place to pick my life up, but uni is 2.5% of your life. The later consequences remain with you forever, and I feel it would be a massive two fingers up to my dad if I were to become successful, and I know I have the work ethic for it.
My other problem is that a lot of graduates these days have to return home due to inability to make a sufficient income in this economic climate. I can't do that and I'm unsure if I'd ever get social housing again (the flat I have now is large and absolutely beautiful, very close to a town-centre and I may be crazy to give that up). So going to the least competitive uni out of all of them (Kent) is a MAJOR worry on that level.
The major I'm doing is International Relations and French, which I guess isn't the most competitive degree either.
What do you guys think?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment