HOPE for overcomimg adultry

Hope for overcomimg Adultry I thought that I would post this thread because I think that not enough attention is given to those that overcome adultery for years. I can understand why there is so many threads and attention given to those that are hurting so bad because they have not overcome adultery. In fact you can see by checking out the 10,564 threads on this section "Coping with Infidelity" how much attention is given. That is one of the largest sections on TAM. In contrast, you can also see that the section titled "Long Term Success in Marriage" is one of the smallest on the whole TAM web site with only 301 threads. I am hoping that this thread will help someone that is suffering due to infidelity. I think that a person that has many years of overcoming adultery can offer a lot to those that are so discouraged. Sometime ago I posted a thread that asked how many had around 5 years or more in successful recovery and if I remember right there were only two; WAZZA and Amplexor. I have not seen many posts by Amplexor on this "Coping With Infidelity" section but I do see that WAZZA stills posts and I read a lot of his posts. With this thread I want to reprint just a section of a thread that is from the "Long Term Success in Marriage". The title of the thread is "How we overcame adultery" by Bestblu1 and the link is http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-te...-adultery.html I hope that you read this thread as Bestblu1's success at his last post was over 3 years long and his story is remarkable! I would like to hear from Bestblu but the thread stopped after 3 years. I hope that it will help someone and if there are any comments about this thread I would encourage you to post them. How we overcame adultery Thread by Bestblu1 October 2009 http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-te...-adultery.html By Bestblu1 ________________________________________ My wife and I have been married for 30 plus years. We have 5 children and 3 grandkids. In July 2009, I discovered that she had been cheating on me for about 12 years. We have recovered and are doing very well. It may seem hard to believe but it's true. If there is anyone who sincerely wants to overcome the pain of an adulterous relationship, I may be able to share some things that can help you. The things we did to get our marriage back on track are working for us. I really believe that our story can help others who truly want to restore their marriage and trust. Let me know if you would like any advice. July 12, 2012 Three years later Originally Posted by loveisforever It is very nice of you to take your wife back. But for the sake of responsibility, justice, and considering the human nature, it is natural outcome to let her go anyway. Your case is an exception that parallels with the fact that some criminals can be changed into good person by self remorse after being caught without punishment. It is really nice to get everyone happy with forgiveness and forgetfulness. It just does not work all the time , or most of the time. Your story is encouraging for the cheaters. Response by Bestblu1 You are absolutely correct that it doesn't work all the time. But it does work sometimes. Nowhere in my thread have I ever suggested that our results would or could be the same for every situation. However I do believe that for those situations where both parties truly want it to work out, it is possible. There are plenty of stories of failure on this forum. Nothing wrong with one or two stories of success. And by the way, success is relative to your situation. For some betrayed parties success may be successfully moving on from a relationship where the cheating spouse does not want to change. For some it is reconciliation and rebuilding of the marriage. I will continue to try to tell our story in a way that doesn't appear to be an attempt to "make everyone happy with forgiveness and forgetfulness". There is a lot of forgiveness in my situation but I will never forget, nor will my wife. That is not possible. I disagree with your assessment that my story encourages cheaters to cheat. In my case, forgiveness has encouraged my wife to change. Cheaters don't really need encouragement to cheat do they? Judgement and unforgiveness on the other hand can keep people from changing. Here is an account from the New Testament that explains how I view forgiveness: John 8:1-11 "1 but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" 11 "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." True, some will not change no matter what. But I believe the chance of them changing is greater if they feel truly forgiven. And if they don't change, that's on them not the person that forgives them. COMMENTS?

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