WW/STBXW committed suicide.

Well hello everyone, it's me again. It's been nearly a month since the last time I posted on here? During that time I made a thread about my stbxw's cutting. She had a cut a few marks on her arms and on her throat. Albeit very light slashes. Me and her parents took this as her trying to receive attention and to help relieve her anxiety. But unfortunately that wasn't the whole thing. Last week she killed herself. The funeral was this past Sunday. Here is her suicide note ( with corrected spelling ) " Well, I guess this is it. How am I currently feeling? Well, I feel great. I feel calm. I feel mellow. I feel poignant. A sense of relief. These past couple months I've been... in a terrible place mentally. But now I'm not. It's strange how I don't find any sense of inner peace until I decide that I'm going through with this. Heh.. oh what am I kidding. I'm in so much denial it's not even funny. I'm crying as I write this note. I just wanna say that I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you. I've wronged you in one of the worst ways possible. I've taken the time to think about it and I can say here that aside from the poor self control and impulse, I cheated because I could. I got a thrill from knowing that I could have sex with another man behind our back and then go home to you and act like it didn't happen. It gave me a twisted sense of pleasure. I knew it was screwed up. I knew that I was screwed up for doing it. And i definitely paid for it. I may was able to hide my affairs well, but you know.. it really ate me up inside. In spite of this I can also tell you this. You never did anything wrong. You did not make me cheat. You worked very hard on our marriage. I was completely unjustified in my actions. You were right when you told me that I took you for granted. You were right when you told me how I couldn't accept responsibility for my actions. Even worse... the way both of us have started developing from this just proves how unworthy I am and how big of a mistake you made by marrying me. You continue to build your life while I wallow in self pity, not even fully understanding why I did the things that I did. To be honest, I'm still not sure what you saw in me aside from my looks. But it's okay, I won't ever have to worry about hurting anyone else anymore. Forget about me. " This is goodbye Love, ( Her name ) How do I feel about this? A mixture of frustration and melancholy. I never did anything wrong in this situation. Unless not getting back together counts as being wrong which I don't think it is. I handled things smoothly and calmly. I used my anger and projected towards beneficial things. ( E.G. gym workouts, sparring with friends, cooking, reading, etc. Sure i remained distant and cold from her but I never once verbally or physically abused her. Anyone ever deal with this?

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