Parody, sexless marriage male perspective.

Ok. So I have a sex marriage. I get no sex, affection or hints that may lead me in the general direction. I tried catering to all my wifes whims, needs and predicting future demands. So read about a guy on TAM who makes $300k/yr, a penis 50% larger than average, six pack abs and a face better than a majority of actors. So I motivated myself, started my own business. It's a simple business, but we had $4.5 million in revenues last year. I got into excellent shape. So I did my cardio, my weights, my diet, workout program puts P90X to shame. I lost 57 lbs of flubber that had been on my over 15 years. I have a found that I have a very desireable abs shape, people can't keep their eyes off it. When I lost the weight my attitude kicked off, I look pretty good. Still, the wife has me stonewalled when it comes to sexual access. Doing any more MAP or TAM-ing, or anything isn't going to help it in this particular case. So we take it to the local governing authorities. A panel of local judges, a couple of aldermen, some of the seasoned police men get together in a round table to decide on my fate, whether or not I am able to legally copulate my own wife. They do a review, to determine my psychological state, to discover local opinions regarding the matter, to break down and determine legal sex acts in our geographic region. My appeal was rejected, but they were able to produce a list of requirements which that perhaps in the next 3-6 months I would get a shot.

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