| I have been reading many many posts on here and some days I think it helps and other days I think it makes things more confusing. Long story as short as I can make it: My H cheated 5 months before we got married. He says he got really drunk at a work party and it was just oral (which I don't believe). He then carried on with an EA with this co-worker for 2-3 yrs. While doing that he was getting "sexy/nude" photos from another girl (which he was supposedly friends with her H). Then various adult websites for flings and affairs. Also, emailed a another girl he hooked up with before meeting me asking her about "getting together for some fun". All this stuff went on for almost 5 years under my nose. I had odd feelings here and there but never were strong enough to search into things. In 2009, I had some strong feelings and that is when I found out all of the above. Also, I will add he was verbally abusive towards me which was progressively getting worse. There was a boating day with the guys (told me I couldn't go - only guys) which I found out the following weekend there were women there too (then he says it was no spouses just people from his work). This is what broke the camels back. I asked him about everything and at the time he told me what he needed which was VERY little about each thing. Most of the stuff I didn't believe and or understand. He seemed to just say "I don't know" to a lot of the above things. We did counseling for 6 months (2012) and worked on communication and being involved with each other. We did separate for about 2 months in the middle of counseling. I came back and things were going in the right direction (so they seemed). Now 7 months after counseling I feel we are back to square one. He seems so angry and unhappy. I am open to talking about everything, anything - I want to understand - I want us to work. We talked in counseling and even the counselor told him that he needs to be open and give me the honest answers to my questions. Maybe I am wrong for asking questions but there is SO much with all the above problems that I can't think of all the questions I want to ask and answered in one sitting. Because I "bring things up" he tells me I am throwing in his face. I can somewhat understand that but I know I am not doing it in a "*****y" way. I am calm. I am not one to make a big deal out of small things. But there are just things he does / says / acts that just don't feel right and I can't put my finger on it. Here are some examples that have happened in the past month: We both mentioned at the same time about stopping for ice cream. He asked do I want a cone. I said no I will get something else. He then proceeds to tell me how I should try new things. I told him I like what I like. So he just drove home and never stopped. I asked him if he is picking up cereal to get Lucky Charms. He tells me in a mean voice, you don't need to eat those they are not good for you. (OK - really I don't eat cereal EVERYDAY) whats the big deal. I eat others too just haven't had that one in a long time. I REALLY don't get him I feel like I don't even know him anymore. Nothing I do is right - we make plans about things and he responds and then the next day argues with me that I or he NEVER said any of it or it wasn't planned that way. The weight issue has been another thing - which isn't an easy topic by any means with women. I have always struggle with my weight and I have PCOS. I have never been the weight I wish I could be. Now 60lbs is a lot over what you wish the number would be on the scale but in my heart it is just a number. I have been working out at the gym for the past month, at least 3 days a week. If he truly loves me he wouldn't care about the number on the scale. Plus, tells me I have to push myself more to lose the weight. Really!?!??! He says I need to stop living in the past and asking questions about the past - I need to move forward. I believe I am and told him I am sorry it is not as his speed. I tried to explain there is a TON of hurt / trust issues / disappointment, etc. But apparently that doesn't matter to him I am suppose to suck it up and move on. I don't believe that is exactly how that all works?? Does it?? Just so lost - should I stay or should I go? I love him but I believe that has changed cause he just isn't the man I once loved. Plus the way he treats me and makes me feel most times doesn't sit well. I have read that once you are at the end you know how much you can take. But is that really true. Most will probably read and think wow I would have left long ago. I don't know if I still have hope or want to believe he will change but I understand more that I can't make him change he needs to want to. I have thought maybe we need to try separating again. Or even Divorcing and going our different ways and who knows maybe we will work out later in life. I am JUST SO LOST and confused. I know marriage is work but it can't work without communication / understanding / respect / etc. It shouldn't be this roller coaster that is just SO exhausting!! Any thoughts would be great. | |||
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