My Story

Married my wife 10 months after we met, and we've been married 9 months now. We haven't consummated our marriage yet, not for lack of effort or eagerness on my part. DW is a virgin, and I am not(I had a number of partners before I met her). Following the disappointment of our honeymoon, she attributed her fear of sex to a friend whose first husband was rough in the sack, and the horror stories about that debacle. After a few months, the story changed to childhood abuse by a sibling. Now, it's been determined by a doctor that she has vaginismus. She was also raised in a strict religious household, and I believe she suffers from LD, along with a bad case of "good girl syndrome." We've been to a marriage counselor. DW was reluctant to follow the sexual aspects that counselor's instructions prior to the 6 month mark in our marriage when I told her I was thinking about leaving, which really hurt her feelings. I felt bad for making her cry, she started trying harder, and I decided to give the situation more time. After we tried the counselor's suggestions to no avail, we went to a doctor. The Dr. believes she has vaginismus, and gave us some exercises to help stretch her out down there. We are able to do them once or twice per week on average. I almost always have to initiate the exercises, along with any intimate contact. I've urged my DW to explore her own body and learn to pleasure herself, so she can help me learn to pleasure her... My suggestions seem to fall on deaf ears. I can't tell if she's morally opposed to it, scared, or just plain stubborn. I swear, if she spent half as much time trying to resolve her own sexual hangups, as she does working on little crafty projects or playing games on facebook, I would be a very happy husband!! I don't know how many more times I can tell her to meet me halfway in the bedroom... to at least try and show some sense of urgency and passion on her part with regard to solving this issue. I can't do it all myself. I've tried the patient route, and it gets us nowhere. I've tried the assertive route, and she says she feels rushed or forced. Every other aspect of our marriage is pretty good. Our personalities mesh really well, and we get along well most of the time. My family likes her, and her parents seem to adore me. I don't want to hurt her, and I don't want to mess up a potentially good thing if this can be fixed... Ultimately, I don't want to go through the mess of a divorce after waiting so long in life to meet a wife, and working so hard to get this marriage going. However, I also don't relish the thought of having to beg for her to meet my basic needs in this marriage. I feel like we have a long road ahead in coming to a mutually satisfying relationship in the sack... I'm torn, I really want to make it work, but some days I really can't help but have my doubts. Any thoughts?

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