Just two months in... this is awful.

So, here is my story. Well, our story. My husband and I have been married for 8 years on August 7th, together for 9 in September. I am 26, he is 28. No children. Things haven't always been easy, I mean we have issues like any couple. He is the one who works, I handle the bills. I think this is a sore spot for both of us, only we never really did anything about it. It caused resentment on both of our parts. I was a SAHW, though admittedly not the tidiest person. I would leave dishes in the sink, or not have dinner ready, or leave the floors unswept. Not every day, mind. Just some days when I felt like being lazy. Then he would come home and complain about it being in that state, and do it himself. He is bad at communicating his emotions, to the point where he just shuts down and leaves things unfinished. I am positive that he would benefit from counseling, but due to some difficult childhood traumas, he is unwilling to go. We have cracks in our foundation, but I feel that they are something that can be fixed. I come from divorced parents, and a fair few of my large family are divorced too. Seeing that most of them are miserable jerks most of the time, I didn't want marriage when I was younger, but I met my husband, and we both just knew we wanted to be together. Fast forward through the years, laughter, playing together, never losing attraction for one another, arguing, always growing and learning together, and halt this February, shortly after my 19 year old sister found out she was pregnant. We have been trying to have a baby for a while now, and to no avail, so when my sister turned out to be pregnant, we wanted to adopt. It happened so suddenly, I don't think we had time to really think that through. I doubt she would have gone through with it anyway... But she came to live with us, we both felt as a last resort since she had nowhere else to go, and that's when my husband started acting strangely. One night, after I had just gotten out of the shower, I asked him to please tell me why he had been acting sad for the past week. He looked at me, and said "This is hard to say." My heart felt like it was on a runaway elevator, plummeting down to my stomach. "I don't feel the same," he said. "But I want to fix it. And I don't think we should adopt the baby, because I want to get us back on track." So, it was the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech. That hurt to hear. But I held my chin up high. So, in unfamiliar territory, I started reading up on how we could put the spark back, since he insisted that's what was missing. But I felt that may not be the entire truth, since we still had a very active sex life, still hung out and laughed together, enjoyed eachother's company.. Then he came home from work one day, probably three days later, and mentioned going to stay at his friend's for the weekend. This friend, I really don't like him much. He is married, but flirts with women openly, right in front of her. He seems disrespectful, and is very irresponsible with finances. His lifestyle is very different from ours, where we are equal, he is above his wife. But I agreed, because I read that he might need some space to sort things out. I feel that was not a good idea... I mean to put the spark back, don't you need to rekindle it actively? Fast forward to two months later, and here I am, still alone, while he says he wants a divorce. That is so painful to write. He is staying out at his friend's house, I am still handling all of the bills and everything in our home. Really, he has no responsibilities, except to go to work. They feed him, she probably does his laundry, and he is just staying in their spare bedroom. I just don't understand how someone can be happy with a half-life like that. Marriage is very important to me, especially since I only wanted to get married once, and I never wanted divorce. It just isn't an option to me, not until we have tried everything. Or at the very least, least tried. And no, I don't think he is having an affair. I am positive. Did he want to? Did he get scared about the adoption thing? I really have no men to talk to about this though... I don't really speak to my father, and my father-in-law is just as lost to his son's actions as I am. The first week he was gone, I didn't eat, hardly slept, and didn't want to do a thing but cry my eyes out. I felt like just giving up and running away like he did. But after a solid month, I planted my feet firmly on the ground, and let him know that I am not okay with this decision, and that I want him to stop running from us. I told him that if we really tried to fix things and it didn't work, then we should get a divorce. I just can't fathom giving up on our entire life without a chance. I am at least willing to take blame for my part of this happening. He keeps saying "It's nothing you did, I just feel differently." I'm sorry but, that just doesn't seem like a good enough reason to give up on everything! This isn't healthy, just leaving it like this. I have read about Walk Away Spouse syndrome, and this situation sounds similar, though I am not sure. It has been a week since we talked, something I felt that I needed to do since communicating that I want to work it out wasn't doing anything, but I wonder if it even bothers him. I read somewhere that it is good to "go dark" for a month. I hardly had a week in me. I don't know how I could do three more. However, I am willing to be patient, because in the lifetime of an entire marriage, a few months seems like nothing. It's a slow-moving emptiness but I just know if he could let his guard down a little and let me in, that we can be even happier than before. It just doesn't make sense. How can someone just be satisfied with giving up and walking away? I only believe half of what he says... so it's not that I don't believe that he is unhappy, and it's not that I do. But how can I convey to him that giving up is not the best solution to our problems? Since he left, I have gotten a job working in a bookstore, which is awesome since I love books and writing, so that has been keeping me busy, along with the day-to-day responsibilities of keeping the house in order. I think I am past the irrational fear of losing him, I no longer have that twisting anxiety feeling in my stomach, just the clear-headed vision that things are not past the point of being too far gone with us. Divorce isn't really what we need right now. Marriage counseling would be ideal, but I think he is afraid that the counselor would want to go through the events of his childhood and that is a very tender topic. I would love it if he would even consider independent counseling... I really don't have someone to talk to about this who has been there or is going through it. Help me grasp some basic understanding of exactly what in the heck is going on with my husband?

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