issue with wife's relationship with her BFF

Got some solid advice last time I was on here, so lets try it again. My wife of 14 years has never really had a close girlfriend. She got a job as a teacher 10 years ago and made a friend. They did not go out much together back in those days. Her friend was also married and they saw one another every day at work. Fast forward to 3 years ago and we had our second child, and she and her friend became closer. They started to confide in one another and I did not notice the difference until much later. I at one point realized that my wife had withdrawn from our marriage. I was not being confided in, sex was less, she would fall asleep on the couch often etc... I started to think it was another man, and I snooped a bit to see if there was something I needed to know. I figured if there was another man, flat out asking her would not prove wise. I read some texts between she and her girlfriend and realized it was not a man, it was her girlfriend that she was taking all of the intimacy to, that should have been coming to me. I confronted her, and she re alized it was true and we have been working on our marriage successfully ever since. Her friend was going through similar things at home and withdrew from her husband emotionally as well. She has left him and taken the kids and he is devastated. I told both of them to allow me in their friendship, and that they had allowed their friendship to hurt their marriages and if I am to be ok with them resuming as friends, I need to feel comfortable with their relationship. I asked her friend to come over so we could all have a conversation, she responded that she was emotionally unavailable and was not going to come. My wife did not take this the way I did, and defended her friend. Since then I have not been able to get my wife to have her friend over to the house. We are doing well, but she seems to get strength from her selfish friend. Any one go through something similar?

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