When do you say 'no more'?

Need some advice. Wife and i have been married for over 30 years. There have always been stresses caused by finances and marriage. For a while the financial stress was unbearable. My wife didn't work during this time and I lived from paycheck to paycheck. Work was horrible and I got absolue no empathy from wife.I felt like I was having a breakdown. this was about 4 years ago. I don't drink or take drugs but needed an escape. The escape was sex. I had a few meaningless affairs, meaning no emoton. I just needed to be with someone that wasn't going to put any pressure on me. I know it was terribly wrong. I eventually told wife about it. She decided to try to work things out. I went into therapy and tried to understand my feelings and why I did what I did. It helped alot. This past fall I had a highschool reunion. My wife was somewhat parnoid that I was going to see old girlfriends. Far from the truth. I went to a game with the guys in the afternoon and my wife joined us for dinner that evening. A few weeks later she tracked down an old male friend she knew in college. She started an email correspondance. She told me about it but I didn't think it was that frequent. About two weeks later she said she was going to meet a girl friend for dinner. I knew in my gut she was meeting him but I didn't want to call her a liar without proof. Two months later I found emails. Proof she had met him and that they were chatting and emailing on the internet every night. Nothing was said about sex but they were very 'lovey dovey'. I confronted my wife and she said yes she met him but it was with the girlfriend she had dinner with, they were not alone. I knew she was lying. Eventuyally, with much verbal pushing she admitted that she saw him alone. I told her she had to end it. She said it wasn't a physical relationship and it was dying anyway so she agreed. We sent him a joint email that said I felt the relationship was inapproriate for married people and me and my wife agreed it would end. Over this past month I found his telephone number in my wife's dresser draw. She said it was old and forgot it was there and kept it in case things didn't work out with us. I was stunned since she had told me she wouldn't see him again regardless of how things turned out in our marriage because she really didn't like him. We agreed in total transparency but I found her sneaking on the internet and lying about it. She has been deleting voice mails and email history. She swears it is over but I keep on finding these things every few days. She says she wants to make it work but I keep on finding things every few days. I have told her the only way for the marriage to work is for her to change her behavior and through the change in behavior demonstratet that she is committed to the marriage. We have always had great sex so that is not the problem. In fact it is hard to refrain at this time but I have because I told her I can't have sex with her if she isn't committed to the marriage. We are going to counseling but so far she has found little value in it. Tell me what you think? This has been going on for 5 months with major arguements about her lying every 3 or 4 nights.

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