Two Girls... Mass Confusion...!

Hey there guys, My name is Daniel; obviously post count reveals i'm new to this board. I'm going to try and keep it short and sweet... Basically, I have been with my Ex for close to 5 1/2 years now; and recently broke up with her. She is my first love. I have lately been wondering if sometime in the future; whether it be near or far; i'll wonder if it could have been different. Could have been better or worse. Missed out. I know this is a terrible mindset; but I have come to the stage where I either invest myself into her fully (marriage), or decide to take a new path. We had become so comfortable, we had formed a routine... We became quite systematic. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but at 20 years old; I fear that one day I will regret not seeing what else was out there. I find myself quite afraid, to put a ring on somebodies finger without fully understanding what it's like to have a bad/good/better relationship. Just as one would not buy their first house without checking out the neighbourhood out, and visiting the neighbours. I am not referring to sexual relations. This is the least of my worries. It is quite sacred to me. Recently, a new girl has come onto the scene ; which at the time really reaffirmed my fears. I left my long term girlfriend and have thus far invested almost every afternoon and many nights with her. She is sweet, kind, and pretty. Just as my ex is. When I am with the new girl, I don't think about my long term ex. When I'm with my long term ex, I am sad about losing the new girl. I have not engaged in any sexual relations during this time with my long term ex, due to fear of giving her false hope and crushing her. I have been dragged through the dirt by her in the past; and know what it's like to know your partner is with another man. This has since been forgiven, and I have forgotten. I'm not looking for a straight answer. Perhaps there is none. Just some insight on what my actions should be. My mind is so clouded, my heart is torn to pieces just thinking about it. What is happening....! I feel disgusted in myself every day, I have become quite depressed about it all and really don't deserve either of these beautiful and caring people. Thanks. Dan.

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