My wife says planning sex is wrong

Hi, I am 31 and my wife is 30, no kids.... My wife has decided that planning to have sex is wrong, this means texting each other during the day or even talking about having sex in any way. She has made it clear that the only sex she wants is spontaneous sex. For me this is a bit of a turn off as I like the anticipation, the naughty texting / talking etc. I have tried to tell her this but she just gets angry and says she hates talking about sex and planning it makes her feel dirty. The thing is that when I try to be spontaneous more often than not she says no anyway, its easy for me to tell when she is in the mood if I kiss her she kisses back (normally not the case, just a peck is all she wants) and she has a shower before bed, I think all this is just her way of making it so hard for me that I wont bother. I always have a shower before bed, clean teeth, deodorant, shaved, etc just in case (plus I like to be clean for bed it has a good feeling to it!) I have no idea why but my wife is becoming more and more frigid the older she gets! All this means that we still have very little sex and she knows this is an issue but sadly no matter what I do it only makes it worse. Any little disagreement means no sex for a month "because it feels awkward" if I try and talk to her about sex it means no sex for a month "because it feels awkward" in fact if I have any issues with the relationship and voice them or I make any mistake.... you guessed it, no sex for a month "because it feels awkward" the sad thing for me is that I have now associated the horny feeling with loneliness so when ever I feel in the mood I also feel really low! Its strange and I have no idea how I can fix this without my wife's help (no chance of that) I have tried counselling but she refuses to come, I feel trapped.

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