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LD and Thyroid

Hello everyone. This is actually my first post. I started reading about sexless marriages and the thought that I am not the only one out there is really comforting. Here is my story, if anyone is interested in giving me advice.

I was very sexually active in college. It was all sex and no feelings. When I met a girl that I fell in love with, I fell head over heals. The sex combined with love was just great, even though it wasn't spectacular in a technical sense.

I got married after 4 months of dating (1.5 months of that was on a military deployment). It did not get too long for her to get pregnant. The pregnancy turn some kind of switch in her, I was basically raped every night. It got to the point that I would pretend I am asleep, I would use excuses, because I could not go on sleeping 2-3 hours a night. When she started having contractions, she told me it felt like orgasm, and she pretty much used me like a piece of meat before going to hospital to give birth. Not that I minded.

Excuse me while I wipe a tear of my eye...

After the birth of of first child the switch was turned off. Our sex life started slowly to disappear. I left home for a year, and when I came back I realized that the standard was only once a year. I tried to be understanding, but when the frequency dwindled out to once a month I was concerned. I have to admit I might have been too aggressive in asking why, and pressuring her (only after more than one month of not having sex), and the MC helped me understand that. The MC had all kinds of ideas of how to help our sex lives, and we tried it all, and nothing worked.

The MC looked for the psychological cause, but turned out he was way off. A couple years later our frequency became once every two months. A couple panic attacks later we finally realized that my wife had a thyroid problem. She got on medication, and I left home for a year and half. When I got back I was ecstatic. Our frequency returned to once a month, on the rare occasions even twice a month. At that time I lived with a hope that when my wife hits 30 she will start peaking. Plus I understood the source of her LD, and did not need to blame myself anymore.

As things were slowly improving, we had to move to Europe. She changed the thyroid medication to European, and she felt that it was not right. Our sex life dwindled to once a quarter, but I did not pressure, I wanted to be as understanding as I could.

We moved back to the US this summer, and turns out the medication was the problem. She got stronger thyroid medication, and in theory she felt better immediately. She got better in all areas, with the exception of sex.

So here we are, March, and we made love only once this year (only 4 times the previous year). I am a good kisser, and I love kisses, but we don't kiss, ever, with the exception of a peck on the cheek or the forehead, because that is all she allows. We hugged on the regular basis, I mean I hugged her, because I only got one hug from her this year. I would caress her hand or leg sometimes while watching TV, or driving, but I never got caressed back. I don't even know if she liked when I touched her, because I never got any reaction out of her. Like caressing a statue. The only physical contact that she would seek was to cuddle with me at night. She can't fall asleep without me being next to her.

I am 37, she is 33. I am a rather attractive guy, and she is too in my eyes, although after three kids she did gained a few pounds. I don't really notice it, only when she points it out. She comes from a broken family, went through a difficult parent divorce, and as a teenage girl witnessed her "uncle" cheating on her mom with another teenage girl. She is a good mother, and she loves me, and I love her too, but it is increasingly harder to see our relationship as it should be, because of building up resentment in my soul.

In addition to being LD she is obsessionally jealous, if I even mention that I talked to a female coworker, she would reply with a sarcastic remark, or start yelling. She loves to yell at me. She blames me for everything that goes wrong in her life. Yesterday for example the toddler jumped on her and she spilled hot tea on her cleveage. It had to be painful, I know, and when I asked her a concerned question "How are you?", she would yell at me how do I think she is. Things like that never bothered me in the past, but combined with the intense feeling of resentment, they really hurt.

So, after reading some other forums, I decided to stop smothering her with affection. I stopped hugging, I started limiting the times I say "I love you", I stopped giving her "Honey I am leaving for work" kisses in the morning (she doesn't like when I forget to do that).

I am seriously considering cutting her off from my body when she falls asleep. I am thinking about moving to another bedroom. Do you guys think that will do me any good?




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