Issues of trust

Hello all, My wife and I have been together for ten years. For the most part our relationship is full of love and great friendship. We have always been best friends and share everything with each other. Unfortunately I suffer from a Bi-Polar disorder and also OCD. This can put great pains on our relationship. My OCD is not washing hands over and over, or anything like that. It's obsessive thoughts. When I have my problems, I will run through every scenario of possibilities in my head. Sometimes convincing myself that one of these scenarios must be true. Even though I may only have small facts or details to base it on. I am sure you can imagine how this can strain a relationship. About a year and a half ago, my wife and I separated. The relationship had become strained. My behavioral problems drove a wedge between us as well as some other factors. Including her relationship with another man. This relationship that she had never progressed to anything sexual, but was somewhat romantic anyway. It was very short-lived as she realized that all he wanted was sex and she was unwilling to have that kind of relationship so soon after our breakup. Even though I believe her in that fact, my problems will sometimes make me doubt and I question her fidelity during our separation. After three months we got back together. Both of us grew personally during the separation. Everything was great at first. But just about one month into our getting back together she reconnected with an old friend. A man, a real outspoken mental case in my opinion. He started sending her love letters and advances. She didn't act on any of them but she kept them from me. When I found them, I was shocked and felt betrayed. I felt like something was going on between them, my OCD really kicked in. Of course, nothing was happening, but my trust was hurt again. We got through that and our relationship grew in a very positive way for many more months. The last few months I have had some bad times with my mental issues. Giving her doubts on how much I trust her around other men. It seems every man she is around I think he is trying to steal her from me. Then she thinks I don't trust her. Too much of this has made her think that she is no good for me. Recently, she talked to her professor about the problems she was having with me. Evidently he was having problems in his relationship as well. They both talked about this and a mutual attraction led to things being said that shouldn't have been. I found a letter she had written to him, that was never delivered, about how she never wanted an affair and she didn't want to screw things up at home or his work. But she might be interested in a relationship in the future. I was crushed when I read this. I confronted her about it. She told me how stupid it was that she said those things and it was just some feelings in a fleeting moment. But nothing had happened between them and nothing was going to happen. I realized my relationship is in trouble again. By God I don't want to loose her! I MUST change things. I know I'm not totally the problem, but I know I better change or things are gonna be bad. I'm going to loose her. My problem is I can't stop having thoughts that she is somehow doing something behind my back. A secret affair or planning to leave me for him. It's terrible. I have to trust her because if I don't what am I even doing trying to make our marriage work? It's hard to talk to anybody about this. Most of my friends would say: "Kick that ***** to the curb, she's seeing another man!". And my best friend, who I would normally talk to about any of my problems, is my wife. How can I convince myself to trust her? I can't keep pounding her with questions or bringing it up all the time to try to have her say: "I'm not doing anything". Even though that helps to make ME feel better (for the moment), it is only punishing her and probably driving her away. If you have made it all the way through this. You might be willing to give me some insight. Or just some kind words to a man in troubled times. Thank you for anything. -T

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