Is he over-controlling, or am I being selfish?

I have been with my husband 4.5 years, married for 2.5. When we first met, I was a teacher. I had given up my last job to look after my daughter from a previous relationship, so I had been effectively a single SAHM. But just as we met, I had started to get back into it, getting supply work, which I hated, and putting my dd in child care. But, I was a professional respectable woman, in his eyes. Fast forward a while. We're newly married. I hate the supply work, I'm not getting a lot of it. I discover that you could self-publish books on Kindle. So, I dig out a novel I had written a few years earlier but had never managed to get accepted. I publish it, it starts to do quite well, actually. I say to him, this could be the start of a new career for me. Then I say that maybe I should publish the erotica short stories I wrote a few years ago. Sex sells, after all. He goes absolutely ballistic!!! He did not know I had written erotica. TBH it had never occurred to me to tell him. it wasn't a secret, it just never came up. I thought it was a great idea. I could write more, a whole series, we could be raking it in. This was before Fifty Shades. He forbade me! He said that if I went ahead with this, it would be the end of our marriage. We had only been married a few months. I was scared. I didn't want to lose him, but I was also angry. Why did he get the right to dictate what I could and couldn't write? So, I went ahead and did it anyway, in secret, knowing that he disapproved. I was right. The books sold really well. I published two, then sold a short story to a publisher. I got some work proofreading and editing with this publisher and basically this was the start of a whole new career for me, one I really enjoyed. But I had to be careful. I told him about the proofreading and editing work, but not that I was writing also. Inevitably he found out. I was guarding my computer and he was suspicious. So one day he managed to get into it and found out I was writing. It nearly spelled the end of our marriage. He told me I was disgusting, perverted, no better than a porn star. He felt as degraded as if I was actually a porn star or a prostitute, knowing that those scenes had come out of my mind, that I had to have imagined those scenes with other man in order to write it down. He said he was ashamed of me. I don't know how, but we actually managed to get through it. I told him I wasn't going to stop writing so tough! He eventually backed down, but it has been a very very sore point with us ever since. We separated for a while last summer, and he told his parents about it. They had the same opinion of me and since then I have been persona non grata with his entire family because of how disgusting I am. Since then we got back together, but then he had an affair. Now, I am living in DWI for the affair and we're starting MC next week, but if we have any hope of saving our marriage, we need to also deal with the cracks that were in it to begin with, for the affair to happen. This is a major major crack, and I don't know what to do. He hates what I do. I can't talk about it to him. He can never be proud of me. Who is wrong, him or me? Men, how would you deal with it if your wife wanted to write erotica? He says that ALL men would have a problem with it, but I'm not so sure. Sometimes I think it would be better if we D - but, aside from the cracks, we do have a very strong bond, and I don't want to lose it. If I can save this marriage at all, I have to try.

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