Husband checked back in after 21 years - not easy

Years 1-7 I was a bad wife. BPD, depression, angry, PTSD, etc. Years 7-19 off/on therapy, read 300 self help books, healed. But it was too late. My husband had already checked out, was scared of me, classic 'nice guy', doormat, passive guy. We got along but we were more like good friends than husband and wife. Almost walked out on him but tears in his eyes made me stop. Found TAM, worked on my codependency, and decided to keep trying. 6 months ago we had to be separated for 3 months (work). By some miracle I was able to reach him. He began to open up and I thought we were in the clear.... and I'd be wrong. He's been back 3 months and he waffles between being 'here' emotionally and withdrawing. He admits he's still scared of me but admits his fears are unfounded. He's now in therapy. I have no doubt we will fix this - it's just going to take time. Onto why I'm posting this. I'm bummed that he can't stay checked in. It makes me sad and then I am tempted to just give up. I was broken and I married someone who was broken. I'm not going to leave I just need help to stay the course without self destructing myself. I look at the love of my life and I can SEE that he's scared of me, withdrawn and it breaks my heart. I can't do anything about it so I want to curl up in a ball, cry, drink or binge eat. I take this personally when I 'know' it's not. I married an emotionally unavailable man. He WANTS to open up to me he just can't and I'm sad. Any suggestions on how to stay positive in this situation?

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