dealing with an "Emotional affair"

Hi there. I have a situation that I could use some advice on. Here it goes.. My wife has a male friend since she was 16, and she is now 28. we have been together for 8 years, and married for 2. This male friend of hers has been a point of contention for pretty much our entire relationship. I know how guys work, and have been able to read through this guy the entire time, but my wife likes to play naive and pretend its not there. On more than one occasion he has confessed his love for her, and then she breaks off communication only to start it up again a few months later. This has happened 2-3 times with him, he will go away for awhile, then out of the blue a happy birthday text or something of the sort, and things start up again. I do not beleive my wife would cheat on me, (yet) but this is always weighing heavily on my mind. She also claims to have no attraction to him. I was out of town on a business trip, this past fall, and there relationship at this point was on again. I asked that she not have him over at our house while I am out of town, and thats just what she did. I got the news over the phone while out of town. Then when I came from that trip, I found out he gave her an accoustic guitar at some point because she wanted to learn how to play. He has always been overly generous with her our whole relationship. Yesterday was kind of the straw that broke the camels back most recently. I was getting ready to take the kids to school and her phone went off, my son decided to announce who the text was from and what it said while walking by the phone. It was from her male friend and said, "Good morning sweetie, how are you feeling?". I am guessing the day before she said she wasn't feeling too well to him. I didn't say anything at that point, but it bothered me. Now, when I come home from work, she asks me to come out for a cigerette. When I come out she is texting with him, stops when I come around, then soon as I finish smoking and go in, she stays outside for another 10 minutes to continue texting. I then go in and start making diner for the kids, she comes in and says shes going for a bath. She proceeds to stay in there for an hour at least, and I can hear her phone going off non-stop. This bothered me again. Later than night, we got into an arguement, presumably because I was withdrawn from her, due to my confusion in this situation. We argued for awhile, then finally confessed what was bothering me, in the end, I chose to go to the couch for the night. Awhile later she came and got me to ask me to come to bed where we sort of made up... She had plans to go to breakfast with this guy this morning, she went, forgot her phone and decided to call me when she got home. So I just casually asked her what her plans were for the day, no ill intentions, and she said shes not sure, and heading back out for the day. I said "ok, where are you off to?", she repied with "I don't know." At this point I was confused and was curious. I asked who are you going with, and she replied with the male friends name. At this point, I am upset again. She says something along the lines, "what do you expect me to do, end my friendship because my husband says so?" I have stated clearly to her that I by no mea ns want to control her, or her life, but I need to know whats best for me and what I can tollerate in a marriage. I also stated that it bothers me that she is willing to risk our marriage for this "friendship". I make sure not to put myself in comprimising situations to avoid this type of drama, but she seems to live on it. So I am lost. I have never cheated on her, had a girl that was a friend, gone to strippers etc. I remain faithful to her. I am not the worlds best husband, but I try my hardest, and she states she is not having her needs met. In between the situations that arrise with this guy, there has been others who have come and gone, calling her, showing up at our house while I am out of town etc. I just can't deal with this anymore. Any help or comments would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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