Complicated don't know what to do?

I have been living with my high school sweetheart(my 2nd bf) for 15 years then we got married after YEARS of him telling me he didn't want to marry me. In the beginning he would tell me we would cut off the world & only be with each other & that I was the most important person in the world to him. We never cheated on each other but he did disrespect me a lot with very hurtful drunk flirting & touching of other girls in front of me(caught it on video once too)!! so i would be unhappy when i knew he was about to go out & he would always turn it around on me & made me feel bad. Even though we love each other & had an amazing relationship where we were both so giving to each other he eventually became cut off more from his friends & parties but would always recent me & blow up at me putting me through depression. He would just sit in front of the internet after work eat eat go to sleep & wanted to be a lone cause he wants to work on being a rockstar(his ultimate Goal that gets procrastinated) & I gave him his space A LOT (i stay out of the room most of the day) life became the same cycle eventually his unhappiness caught on with. I can't have friends cause he won't let me bring anyone over cause he likes his home to be undisturbed & i don't trust chicks either way as my friends(been betrayed my whole life). I have no one to talk to(my family s u c k s!) so when i would try to talk to him it would turn into a fight & makes me feel bad even though he says he is the 1 that feels bad(says i make him feel like less of a man). He takes care of me financially & i take care of him & his home(doesn't lift a finger at home) & i have been trying desperately to get a JOB but ladies & gents it is ridiculously hard to find a job right now NO JOKE & I can't be around chemicals so I can't get a food, labor or those jobs. He has made me feel like a burden & I know I am at least financially but tells me not to get a job. He contradicts himself sooooo much!! I know he loves me & he tells me this & how I am beautiful etc..& has helped me & my family out so much. I am about to turn 30 & hit depression desperation bad! gotta make a change to this stagnant cycle life. he doesn't want kids I do but I will give that up to be with him at least let me have my childhood dream of having a dog but no that has to be a horrible issue tried 7x already and the people have to take it back cause he convinces me to or out of horrible guilt that has now been tagged to it. There is no better man out there for me i know there isn't no one will love me as much as he does but don't know what to do. I am tired of feeling like a burden & making him feel bad because I am unhappy to be in stagnation Why does everything have to be blown out of proportion!? I know having a dog is a big responsibility but c'mon! I sold all my stuff(i bought with my own $ from previous jobs) & wanted to get my dog train him to be ok at home(pet friendly apartment) a lone for at least 4 hours with wee wee pads & food next to him. Save up to support the dog & help my hubby financially not just cook/bake, clean etc.. Years ago I told him to do what he wanted so we could all be happy like go out to strip clubs parties do watch his porno that I don't care anymore just want us to be happy & free. He won't let me go cause he said I owe him i should be with him but then says I can leave. gets mad at me for putting stuff on internet but then I don't have friends so what am i supposed to do? :( i need to make a LIFE CHANGE ASAP!

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979