Another spouse doesn't want to work vent thread

So, first off I'm glad to have found this forum. I wrote a separation agreement this evening and some googling led me here, it was great reading other people's stories, advice and successes after facing that harsh reality. I really tried to keep this brief but it was impossible - Separation agreement, back to that. My wife and I have been together (off and on) for almost 5 years, but we've been married less than a year. My wife is extremely gifted when it comes to children and has an arts background but money has come between us in more ways than one and it's disheartening. Without going into exhausting detail, wife was a nanny when we started dating making $80K but in less than a year, the family she was working for made changes and no longer needed her fulltime. Over the course of the next few years she worked for less and less money but the demands of her job (special needs children, stressful single parent situations) continually increased. She decided to go to school a couple times, one was for some general studies and more recently, training for EMR (emergency medical responder) while not working. This wrapped up in February with the accreditation and we got married in May. She was studying and preparing and we also bought a house around the same time so there was lots going on. We purchased the house with the intention of her working and contributing roughly half of what I was contributing as I earn substantially more. This was a great arrangement as we'd both be pulling together for a financial and lifestyle goal (comfortable debt-free lifestyle with the house paid in under 10 years) that was achievable. I am the only one on the mortgage as her income and credit score would have been a hindrance as opposed to an asset for the sake of the interest rate and term. However her parents gave us a substantial amount of money for the down payment. We had asked for a modest loan for a smallish condo close to our downtown core but with their gift we ended up purchasing a larger house in the burbs. Very shortly after that, before we had even taken possession, I was approached for a new job and while the bonus structure was smaller, the base salary was a 65% increase so month to month cashflow was increased dramatically for me. During the summer, I started to get concerned that wife wasn't actively looking for work, she claimed to continue to study and there was no practical required training which freaked her out. I'm still not sure why she didn't research this prior to the course but having that conversation led to fights so I stopped asking. When a friend of mine was able to leverage a relationship to tee up an interview in a more group oriented environment and she didn't even call, I grew really concerned. Meanwhile, the spending for the house was through the roof for the start of home ownership. I had no idea the crap someone needs to own with a house so things were expensive for a while but it was manageable with my salary bump. But paying the mortgage and all the bills was double what I paid at my old condo so the raise just sort of vanished. While this was going on, wife was racking up credit card debt financing her life of not working. I busted a$$ the first few months of the new job putting the right team in place and I would often come home to a tipsy wife and a messy house. I'm not some 1950's guy who thinks women should be maids, but if you're not paying for ANY of the house bills and not working, I don't think its asking too much. Fast forward to Sept - she gets a job through a friend 3 days a week nannying. Great! I'm thinking, not what she wants to be doing per se, but a step in the right direction after not working for almost 10 months and hopefully a motivator to get moving on a new career path (she was complaining a lot about not having enough money). Plus she was planning on getting some volunteer time with local medical companies to get some of that practical experience that was missing. Unfortunately, absolutely nothing changed. I continue to pay all of the bills for the entire house, she pays her own bills. I am very grateful to say we have no debt together, everything is individual. I learned recently though that her credit cards are constantly over or at their limit every month and her car insurance got cancelled for non-payment from December. This has since been resolved but, again, it is a huge red flag that she didn't notice the financial trail through her bank account of charges, etc for months. Anyway, with the many months that have gone by since with nary a job interview, resume blitz, any activity that would suggest focused progress on the career and contribution front I have reached my wits end. When I started my career I worked 3 jobs, whittled that down to 2 and then was able to focus and advance. When we first met each other I had only just started working a single job. I'm not trying to make my wife a clone of me, nor do I expect her to make us a million dollars. What I do expect is someone who cares about pushing themselves forward and contributing financially to the future and their home. I can't picture having kids with someone, especially a daughter if my wife can't lead with that example. Teaching the lesson of "marry well" isn't cool in my books. I feel that there was a strong sense of entitlement in her because her parents gave us the down payment and that I had no reason to talk about her not contributing. I believe she sees the money that was spent on day to day items and had no clue what it really meant to pay a mortgage, property taxes, utilities, save for retirement, etc. I've offered to work 2 jobs and she freaked out at me and took it personally but no change. I offered for a stay at home mom situation (once debt was paid off, we do not have kids right now) and no change. I offered to have her be part of the budgeting process and she freaked out and started crying when she saw the numbers and amounts. I stopped engaging her like an adult about money and that just led to all sorts of weird dynamics and problems in our relationship. ... including in the bedroom. Even though she's very beautiful, I no longer found her attractive sexually and we replaced screwing with fighting....not a fun situation. All in, I kind of feel like a chump and generally a crappy husband for not identifying all of the warning signs before committing to our marriage in the first place. I'm now living in a house in the suburbs by myself with my potential ex-wife's parents money as its equity. My wife is still unable to support herself in terms of paying rent along with her other bills. Her family owns more property so she does have options, but I think that just enables all of this attitude. This wasn't meant to be a wife-bashing thread, I do love her dearly and hope she ends up doing something that is both rewarding and allows her to stand on her own 2 feet financially.

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979