an old saying in sports...does it apply to relationships(post traumatic narcissim)

theres an old saying in the world of sports....when a legendary player or coach is retiring or being traded and is being replaced....."you dont want to be the guy that replaces him...you want to be the guy after that"....meaning that its going to be tough on you to replace someone loved by fans of that team....you will be judged very harshly when me and my ex started dating i asked her why her and her previous had broken up(we were family friends and i had known about that relationship...not details but just known about it)....she told me he was mean to her and stuff like that.......well over time i had sensed that maybe that wasnt the case so after we broke up i contacted him...i wanted to find out if he had dealt with the same issues i did....i told him he didnt have to answer if it was uncomfortable for him....but he was glad to and i explained my issues of irresponsibility and all the other stuff....he was like "man you hit the nail on the head...she didnt grow up or change at all during the relationship...you cant believe how much and fast I have since it ended".....then he basically told me that he ended it(which I had suspected)and it took him awhile to build up the courage to do it.... after awhile I became so frustrated with the situation i started threatning to breakup alot...i thought maybe shed change if she things were important to her....wed usually get over it...and the cycle would repeat....i think with her previous boyfriend...it might have been a one shot deal....like he may have been frustrated but never really went there until he finally did...i think with him she never thought the abandonment was coming where as with me she could see it probably was Ive heard about post traumatic narcissism.....and even though i realize he dealt with many of the same issues...i wonder if that sudden abandoment she wasnt really expecting made it tougher on my relationship.... when i was talking to him about the breakup he was like "go out and be with your friends that you have shunned for so long...thats what i did...and they were glad to have me back"....i was sort of mildly relieved to realize he was isolated a bit too...just like I was.......but sometimes I wondered if she was really ever over it.....and sometimes I wonder if I was just the guy after her first true love....and that she was only goign to be a narcissist for me....and that the next guy would get the best of her

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