an affair.....

Apologies firstly for the long post but please bear with me. I'm going through hell atm and just need to offload what's in my head. On Monday night of this week I checked my mobile phone usage online as I kept running out of downloads. On the same account are my wifes phone, two teenage sons and my daughters. As my wife set up the account in her email her phone details came up. What made me check her last bill maybe subconsciously will become apparent later. In the two weeks of this bill she had sent 576 texts to one number...i checked the previous month, over 800 to the same number. The month before 1,106. December was 500+. The feeling in my stomach is exactly how they say, like you've been stabbed. My eyes started to well up but i held back the sobbing which I knew my body wanted to do. We've been together 12 years and been married for 4. We have 3 children, 2 from her previous relationship 15 year old twins and our 10 yr old daughter. Our relationship like any other has it's ups and downs but mainly very good. We have a house together and the mortgage is tough but we both work to pay the bills. I have a good job and have progressed into senior management and work no more than 45 hours a week. My wife around a year ago started at a new place caring for adults with learning difficulties and works through the night, 3 times a week. So back to the txt messages - looking at the times they were all day and night and also through the night and started on the 29th November. When I checked this was the night before her works Christmas party. Incidently she got home at 5am after going back with everyone to someones house. the day after the amount of txt were literally astounding. That's when things start to click...... she had recently changed her blackberry for an iphone, I'm a bit of an iphone geek and wanted to see what apps she was using etc. But I wasn't aloud on it or to know the password - I just thought she loves her new phone! Our sex life since December had been non-existent. We had had sex 3 times this year but each time she showed no interest in foreplay and layed on her back and say "hurry up then". When I would try to be intimate she would snap "your breath stinks" "you kiss to loudly, stop it or be quiet". i tried to talk about it and she said that she thought she had lost her sex drive and apologised. I felt for her and was sympathetic and gave her time whilst suggesting cuddling instead. So who was it she was txting from work. I knew straight away. In roughly November her worked had a bit of a change around she had said that a new 'senior' worker was working in her house (there are just two in each residential house). She said "he's a right nob and loves himself, a bit of a dick" and showed me his facebook profile. Sure enough he came across that way but what was obvious was that he was a ladies man. Pictures of himself with no top on grabbing his crotch, interests = ladies. My wife wenting from wearing jogging bottoms and a tracksuit top to leggings nice top etc. I commented on the first night she dressed like that saying "oh who you all dressed up for!" She said then this bloke was a bit of a perve and she didn't want him looking down her joggers when she bent over. I was sure it was him but needed to be certain so I tried to look at her mobile but couldn't guess the password or watch her put it in. So on Tuesday night at half 8 as she left the house for work I still had no idea. I sat with my daughter watching a bit of tv and having a cuddle. I then tried the 'find my iphone app' and put in her details again I wasn't expecting anything but thought for the future days coming I could see where she was going when the kids were at school. Now the feeling I had in a minute wripped me apart inside. I watched the green dot go in the opposite direction and keep going. It stopped 40 minutes later. all this time watching this and cuddling my daughter I knew things would never be the same and it confirmed everything. I still don't know why I didn't call her and say "stop what you're doing and get home". I think i wanted to confront her face to face with her completely unaware. I checked the location with the facebook profile and they matched. So n ow I knew who it was and how long it had been going on. That night I let my daughter stay up late then read her a story and put her to sleep in my bed. I then phoned my brother for his advice. I decided that I wouldn't go to work, (I was ment to be working away for two days) and confront her. i then went to bed and literally lay awake all night, my heart racing and trying to control the crying whilst not letting go of my daughter. I knew that nothing would ever be the same and her life may be shattered soon. The arrangement in the mornings is that I leave for work at 6.30 and she arrives back at 7.30 and the two boys look after my daughter for a hour. I knew I couldn't do anything in front of the children so I went and parked up at the other end of town. I then followed the green dot as it tracked her leaving his house and coming all the way home, pausing for 5 minutes around the corner from our house. I then waited for her to walk my daughter to school, parked up out the way and waited in the living room. I heard her come in the kitchen with the dog and walked out. Her face said it all. She asked why i was home and I said I didn't feel well and turned around and came home, I said I've got these terrible stabbing pains in my stomach. Her face was still white as a sheet. I asked her to sit down and she asked why, I replied "we have to talk don't we" - "what about?". I then asked her how work was last night. She didn't say anything. I then said give me your mobile, "why" just give it to me I replied. she out in on the table. I then said "tell me what's going on, and I know a lot more than you think I do". she was silent for what seemed like ages. I was sat next to her and throughout the next hour didn't raise my voice once, perhaps I should have done. She confessed she was having an affair but said it had only been since January but had no answer for the hundreds of txts before then. She said he had showed her attention and I said that if she had put as much energy into our relationship as she had with him then.. Eventually she said it wasn't as straight forward as it seemed. Someone at work and raised with management what was going on. They had both been suspended without pay for the last two weeks. Every night she had been pretending to go to work she was staying at his house. My last questions to her were make or break. I thought I knew what the answer would be but I was in for a big shock. "Do you love him?" Her answer wasn't conclusive but nevertheless I didn't expect it. "I don't know, I like him". "You need to choose, is it him or me?" "I don't know". I think they call it the 'sucker punch'. I had no choice I said I was leaving for a few days packed a case, bag and work shirts. As I walked out that door I said I loved her, and that if this bloke came round why I was away then for sure that would it. She sat crying as I closed the door behind me. I was absolutely broken. The thought of leaving my step sons and especially my daughter was heart breaking. I couldn't help thinking of a life of not seeing my daughter everyday, not buying her her first karate suit next week, not having our afters together at the 7pm each night - she goes off into the kitchen and surprises me with ice cream every time! I ended up that day staying at a cousins who has been brilliant talking with me. I've spent the last two days expecting her to txt and say sorry or something. But nothing. In two days I've eaten 6 pringles and had to stop when I realised I wasn't swallowing them. tonight I did manage a small portion of lasagne but sitting round the table with my cousins family, exactly as we do at home was beyond tough.

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