What do you do with this kind of man?

"I know you want me to me more assertive in the bedroom but I can't be". "My mother was domineering and my father passive and I was criticized all my life. I can't help it if I'm passive now." Adding in the ED and that we have to have sex on his timetable. He knows that this bothers me that I can never initiate but neither discusses it or tries to suggest a solution in spite of my indicating I'd like to. Never discusses or raises anything full stop. Attempts on my part to initiate discussions never get anywhere and just result in us both feeling bad. Still has sex in the same basic way he did 18 years ago when we got married. After many years of supporting him and encouraging him through counseling and personally I've told him to stop being a victim and take control of his own life. I've had to do this and, while he's not me, it does mean I don't want to hear that I don't understand. What to do with this kind of dynamic? As far as I'm concerned, I've crossed the line to where I would be fine with a sexless marriage and am avoiding sex at times.

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