Loving, but sexless marriage

Hello everyone, I have a small problem that Id like to get some advice about. I didnt want this to be so long, but didnt want to leave out important details to help you understand his and my side. When I met my husband, he was 37 and still a virgin. I was 30, and had been married once before and had 2 kids. We were both overweight, but he had just lost 100lbs when we met (but was still 280lbs) and was very active and we did lots of things together. I figured out while we were dating that he had a porn issue. At first it made me mad because we were having sex alot, and I thought it was because he wasnt satisfied with me. Fast forward a couple of years, and I figured out it was just what he did and got used to all those years of being a virgin. BUT, it carried over into our marriage, even after confronting him about it when we were dating. Several times into our marriage I found out he was still watching it. That wasnt even the biggest issue. The bigger problem was that WE were not having sex anymore. I felt like he replaced our intimacy with jacking off to porn. It really hurt deeply. He knew it hurt me, and would stop watching it for awhile. Fast forward another 5 years, and here we are, having sex about once every 3-4 months, if Im lucky. To help put his mind at ease, I went and had the Mirena (IUD) put in last year. Year before last, we went an entire YEAR (YES!) without sex. Finally I couldnt take it anymore, told him I wanted a divorce, told him I was talking to another man online (actually was having an EA), and that I needed intimacy from HIM, and didnt want anyone else. Well, we talked until the wee hours of the morning, and guess what, we had sex 3 times that week! But I had to have a meltdown to get that. And, it didnt last. We went back to having sex about every 3-4 months. Okay, so a little history. He gained back those 100lbs he lost within 2 years after we married. I gained about 60. During this time, we had a child. My libido was down, so the low sex didnt affect me a whole lot through this time. But now, our son is 5, and I have my libido back, especially after losing 120lbs last year. Im the thinnest Ive ever been since a teenager. I thought that by losing the weight, he would show alot more interest, and he did for a short time. He bought me lingerie, which shocked the s&#% out of me! But, again, it didnt last. Anyhow, he is now about 360lbs. Sex is difficult. Sometimes the pressure of his weight hurts me, but I would never complain about it, in fear that it would make him less likely to want to do it. One time, after I asked him how sex felt since Id lost all this weight, he told me that it actually felt better when I was heavier, because there was more pressure pushing down on his penis when inside me. That really hurt. :scratchhead: Another thing that makes me wonder about why he is not a very sexual person, is the fact that he was molested once by his half sister, when he was around 8 years old, and she was about 12-13. That, and the fact that he was always morbidly obese until he got in college and lost every bit of the weight! But then gained it back in his late 20's. Anyhow, long story short. I want to have more sex, once a week, or even every 2 weeks would be awesome! I will admit that I do not initiate. Im just not physically attracted to him, and havent been for years, but I do love him. He is a good man, a great father to our son, is sweet and loving, never angry, would do anything for me within reason, except give me sex. One issue is that he is a morning person, I am a night owl. We dont have anyone to babysit for us so that we could get away once in awhile either. I dont know if he still watches porn, Im sure he does, because when we finally do have sex after 3-4 months, he isnt able to ejaculate. Says he wears out before he gets there. But I figure that if he hadnt been jacking off, he would ejaculate quicker with no problem. Thats been the case before. But what do I know. And me getting on top to help with that doesnt work, I tried, and since hes gained so much weight, my legs hurt when I try to be on top. So, what the heck should I do? He once said he would like it if he were to come in one day when the kids were at school, and I had my lingerie on. Sure I wouldnt mind that, but I wish he would initiate!! I guess he is waiting on me, and I am waiting on him. I admit that I have a hard time initiating when Im not attracted to him, but I love him, so I try to overlook it. But, if he were normal, wouldnt he be wanting it more? Dont most men want it alot? If he wanted it 3 times a week, I would oblige!! Thanks..sorry for the lengthy post.

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