Is this BDP?

I need some advice on this. Maybe I'm overreacting and I'm the one who needs help, but maybe not. I have been doing searches to find out what I can do to better myself and why my wife doesn't love me like she used to, or maybe she does, I just don't feel like she does. This might be a long post, but I want to get it out there to see what peoples thoughts are. The reason I started searching is because I am tired of being blamed for everything that is wrong with our relationship. I have faults like everbody else and I admit those and I have admitted those to my wife. But she will not admit she has any and always plays the victim. Here is the background. My wife and I have been married for 9 years with two kids, 5 and 2. My wife grew up in a divorced family. Here mom cheated on her dad and married the guy. Her mom was verbally and emotionally abusive to my wife and her two sisters, loading emotional subjucts on them only suitable for adults to handle. She was made fun of by her own family because of her red hair and being overweight was taboo in her family, even though they eat a lot of food. My wife now has an eating disorder, where she eats to feal comfortable and doesn't know when to stop. Her mom is still not a nice person. She will be nice to your face, then go to one my wifes sisters and talk all about you. She is ver y manupilative and overly emotional. Not healthy. Well here is our situation. The first few years of marriage were fine. She was however on Adderall so I think it was a fake her, at least that what she admits. It mad her more confident, etc. Ever since we have had the kids she is a different person. She has been very depressed and losing weight is her sole focuse, even though she goes through huge swings. I do admit it is difficult for her because I am naturally very thin and don't worry about gaining weight, and also exercise regularly so I can't sympathize with her there. But one of the things I can't stand is her constant criticizing of everyting I do. She doesn't like the way I eat, the way I drive, how I dress, how I interact with other people, what I say to other people, how I do my job. Basically everything. It's like pulling teeth to get a compliment from her. I give her compliments all of the time about how pretty she is, and her cooking but she cannot take a compliment. Everything revolves around her w eight, and she tries to diet but refuses to exercise. She is always depressed and in a bad mood. I never know who I'm going to come home to. Sometimes she'll greet me at the door with a hug and a kiss, other times she is at her wits end and mad, which being with kids all day I can understand. She also constantly puts her self down and says she is not good enough for anything, she is not smart enough, she doesn't know who she is. With friends she is so paranoid and always thinks everybody is talking about her behind her back and are out to get her. She likes one person on week and the next she thinks they are talking about here trying to steal her other friends away. She doesn't trust anybody, not even me. She told me last night, just casually from something she saw on tv if I were to ever cheat, she would expose me to everybody she know, put it on Facebook, tell my family, basically make a fool of me. The funny thing is I have never done that, never will, have not even come close or even given her a reason to think that. It was really wierd. She has been down so low a couple of times that she said she thinks she would be better of dead. Its gotten to the point that i don't even like to be in the same room when I'm talking on the phone because she'll hear my side of the conversation and talk over me, or tell me what to say, because I'm not saying it right. I don't even like her to come to my pickup basketball games anymore because she'll critique my performance, and not in a good way. The thing that hurts the most though is the lack of affection. She doesn't like me touching her anywhere near the waist. She doesn't like to kiss much anymore except small pecks. Our entire marriage I have not been allowed to see her change. Only once in our marriage has she ever taken a shower with me, and that was bikini bottoms on, because she is embarrased. When company is over though she likes to put on a show and hug me and kiss a lot. Our sex life is off and on, and in so many words she told me its basically duty sex, what a wife should do. If you are still reading, basically she has a melt down about every other month or so where she basically says I am not a good dad with the children, I deserve to be alone and not have anybody, I'm not good to her, she has even told me I have aspergers, which I don't. I am an introvert, but have no probelm conversating with people. She is the victim and if I dare accuse her of something I'm being manipulative and mean and I need to go see a therapist to become a better person. She does everything and according to her I don't contribute. I do have a high paying job which I go to everyday. I do at least half of the housework, I spend time with the kids, check up on my sons homework, do our whole bedtime routine. My wife and I go on a date night about every other week. I don't know. I have read several of the self help books listed on this sight to improve my self. I think I am make an effort to be even better, but she refuses to read those books with me. I am more of an introverted person, and very even keeled. I don't show a lot of emotion, but I think that helps stabalize our family with my wifes ups and downs. I don't get angry easy and get out to play basketball twice a week with friends, but spend most of my off time with my family. I could go on and on, and she has a lot of good days where she does a lot for me. But I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough and being contstantly corrected. Am I the one who she see a therapist? Sorry for the long post.

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