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How do I get through this?

I have told my story on here for 4 weeks now. It has been a little over 6 weeks since D-Day. I filed for divorce 4 weeks ago and I know a lot of people applaud me for my strength...but I don't feel strong. If anything I feel worse now, then I felt 6 weeks ago. I know many of you have been on here for years. So my question is, when does it start getting easier? Even though I love and miss him, i cannot take him back. I refuse to actually. I know my "faking it till I make it", is bull****. I stay at home and breakdown, I go in my car and cry at work and I feel it's never going to stop. Please shed some insight on this...I am breaking down emotionally and mentally.
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